i need you to come to terms with the way white women have facilitated some of the most unspeakable violence upon black and brown and indigenous people, bodies, and community. often in the name of white womanhood. often in the name of freedom. often in the name…
Funny how this isn’t deemed racist just because it’s against white women, i thought putting people into a group that they have no control over but are told that they should feel bad for things other people did was seen as unfair but apparently because i’m a white woman who sees myself as a feminist, I should feel bad for all the things people thousands of years ago did before me?
Sophie, what’s being said isn’t that you should take full responsibility for what problematic white feminists have done. It’s saying that you need to realise that there’s a huge lack of intersectionality within the feminist movement, and you benefit from it (as others lose so much) whether you approve or not. Those things didn’t just happen thousands of years ago, either. They were decades ago. They’re happening right now. As for the not-being-racist thing, I’ve spoken to you about this. I don’t have the energy to say it all again.
i need you to come to terms with the way white women have facilitated some of the most unspeakable violence upon black and brown and indigenous people, bodies, and community. often in the name of white womanhood. often in the name of freedom. often in the name of feminism.
i need you to understand that you killed Emmitt Till. i need you to think about all of the black men and boys that have been murdered because either you accused them or your men took it upon themselves to defend *your* honor. i need you to look at pictures of lynched bodies and think about what role you played in it.
i need you to know the names of the women raped by U.S. military in countries we invaded, in part because feminists said we needed to save the women and/or children and supported the various invasions.
i need you to know that those reproductive rights you all are up in arms about were created via the destruction and maiming of black and brown bodies. i need you to know who Anarcha, Lucy, and Betsy are, and what was done to them. i need you to know the names of the Puerto Rican women who were lied to and who died so that The Pill could bring you your precious sexual liberation. i need you to know the central role white women played in sterilization programs that targeted black women, poor women, anyone they deemed too “feeble” to procreate. i need you to think about why more big name feminist organizations are up in arms about the most recent kick up about contraception than about sterilized black women getting compensated for what was done to them.
i need you to understand that at this point, it’s not about privilege. it’s not about you being able to find products that work with your hair no matter where you go. it’s about people’s lives. it’s about WOC lives and a centuries old disregard white women have shown for them. it’s about that fact that white women have been an active agent in the destruction of our communities, our histories, and our families. for centuries.
and WOC don’t owe you a damn thing. not. one. thing.
so get that through your skulls then maybe we can work together. maybe.
Co-signed. This covers important issues. Plenty of other things white feminists need to acknowledge as well but start with this.
We all occasionally say things we really wish we hadn’t, especially when meeting new people. For some reason, meeting a deaf person seems to really bring out those moments in people. In the hopes of helping you avoid these embarrassing moments, I’m sharing 10 things you should never say when meeting a deaf person. All of which, in case you’re wondering, have been said to me. And my friends. More than once.
1 – Oh, I’m sorry. (And then walking away.)
Deaf people are really not that scary. When someone tells you they can’t hear you, try making sure you’re looking directly at the person when you talk to them. Speak clearly, but don’t exaggerate your lip movements. Or, hey, get a piece of paper or use your phone to write down what you’re saying.
2 – How do you drive?
I use my eyes. How do YOU drive?? I’m amazed at how many people think that deaf people cannot–or should not–get their driver’s license. Studies have shown that deaf drivers are no more likely to get in to an accident than hearing drivers, and actually tend to have lower accident rates.
3 – Can you read?
I have now been asked this twice, once at the doctor’s office and once at the DMV. My Deaf friends have told me they get asked this all the time. On one hand, I understand the question- after all, English might not be my primary or first language. On the other… guess what? Deaf people go to school, have jobs, and do everything that their hearing pals do. Oh, except hear. Assuming that deaf people can’t read is just insulting.
4 - Oh, I know exactly what you mean. I think I have hearing loss, too – I have a hard time understanding people sometimes. You know, like at concerts and moster truck rallies.
Seriously, why is it that everyone I meet suddenly has hearing loss? Not being able to hear people talking when you’re in a loud environment is not exactly the same thing as being deaf or hard of hearing. I understand that people’s first instinct is to try to find common ground, and connect. I recognize that this statement is supposed to show understanding and support. That said, it usually comes across as dismissive, and completely misses the point. When someone is telling you that they need you to look at them when you’re speaking because they can’t hear you, they’re not looking for you to say you know all about it. They’re just trying to let you know what they need in order to understand you. Do that.
5 - Oh, but you can lipread, right? Neat. Can you tell what the guy across the room is saying?
To this I say, lip reading is NOT a super power. No, I cannot tell what that guy is saying from across the room. It’s hard enough figuring out what’s going on in the conversation I’m currently having, thanks. Also, stop being a snoop.
6 – Oh, I’m so sorry. Losing my hearing would be the worst thing in the world.
It has its down sides, for sure, but really it’s not that bad. This response makes me feel like I’m something to be pitied, and completely dismisses the awesomeness of Deaf culture. Even if you’re thinking this, please don’t say it. Just don’t.
7 – But, you have hearing aids.
Yep, I do. They’re pretty awesome, and I’m glad I have them, but they’re not miracle devices. They don’t suddenly “cure” my hearing loss. I still need to read lips or use ASL to know what people are saying. They tell me THAT people are talking, but it’s like catching shadows of words. I have to fill in the blanks. If someone has hearing aids, don’t assume that they can hear things–or that they can’t, for that matter.
8 – Oh, are you going to get that implant thing to fix your hearing?
I’ve had people launch in to how the cochlear implant is a miracle within 3 minutes of meeting me. They’re usually basing this on a) seeing Ellen talk about it on TV and b) the fact that they like hearing birds chirp, or whatever. The decision to get a cochlear implant is a big one, and involves a lot of factors that you probably aren’t aware of if you haven’t been around the Deaf community for very long. Besides the fact that this question assumes that something is wrong with me that needs to be fixed, it’s a really personal, complicated question. If you’re going to ask someone about CI, please be sensitive to that. And maybe wait until you’ve known the person a while before you bring it up.
9 – But you don’t sound deaf.
Of all the things said to me on a daily basis, this is the one that drives me the most crazy. This is the reason I usually go voice off in public, like at the grocery store. People have a hard time understanding that just because I have good speech quality does not mean I can hear. It makes me feel like I need to explain myself – no, really, grocery store clerk, I’m not purposely ignoring you, I just can’t hear you. Closely related to this one is…
10 – Wow, your speech is really good!
I get this well-meaning comment from almost everyone I meet – even interpreters sometimes say this to me. There are several reasons why you should never say this to someone. For one thing, it makes the person feel awkward and self-conscious. For another, the underlying message is that speaking skills are to be highly valued, and praised. It implies that people who don’t have clear speech are less intelligent, capable, or aren’t trying hard enough.
This comment makes me feel like I’m being patted on the back. I didn’t do anything special to earn my speaking skills. My speech says nothing about my intelligence or abilities. I just happened to grow up with enough residual hearing to make speech work for me. In some ways, my clear speech is a drawback – it makes it that much harder for other people to understand my deafness.
For those who have not read this article, it has come to light that the Green Party councillor for Brighton and Hove (Ms. Christina Summers) has actively taken a stance against the legalisation of gay-marriage, despite the party’s official support of this issue.
our men do not belong to anyone. even my own father, left one afternoon, is not mine. my brother is in prison, is not mine. my uncles, they go back home and they are shot in the head, are not mine. my cousins stabbed in the street for being too black or not black enough, are not mine.
then the men we try to love, say we carry too much loss, wear too much black, are too heavy to be around, much too sad to love. then they leave and we mourn them too. is that what we’re here for? to sit at kitchen tables, sharing stories of the ones who died, the ones of who left and the ones who were taken by the police, or by drugs, or by illness or by other women. it makes no sense. look at your skin, look at her mouth, these lips, those eyes, my god, listen to that laugh. the only darkness we should allow into our lives is the night, and even then, we have the moon.
As far as I’m concerned, if you can make something hot and edible out of other ingredients served together in some way, you can cook. Telling someone they can’t because their culinary skill is limited to pasta or whatever is as stupid as telling a person they’re illiterate if they don’t like a classic author.
Initially, I agree with my friend. If they’re angry or upset, they just want me to validate their feelings. Afterwards, I do try and seek out the other side for better understanding. I never let my friend’s opinion on that person influence mine.
"If they’re angry or upset, they just want me to validate their feelings."
I like that. I agree with pretty much all of this, but I like that in particular. Feels like it’s easy to forget that people say a ton of stuff they don’t mean in the heat of the moment, and there are times where you owe it to yourself to be illogical.
Where do you guys stand on the whole "They're my friend, so I hate you too" thing?
As in, if your best friend gets screwed over by someone they like or are in a relationship with - assuming that person isn’t a mutual friend of yours or something. Do you comfort your friend and sort of hate the other person by default - “You don’t need them, they’re an idiot” etc.- or do you separate yourself from it all and try and find out their side too?
Some people are toxic, and it’s easy to convince yourself you’re being a better person for sticking around. You’re not. You don’t owe time and friendship to anyone, especially not people who make you feel bad for walking away every now and again. Who make you want to walk away. Maybe you need to take it upon yourself to fix people, but it saves a lot of hurt to realise some people don’t need you to fix them - they need you to sit pretty and show them that someone’s willing to put up with their bullshit. And there is a huge, huge difference between being a good friend and just catering to someone’s insecurities. A friendship should never be your loss. Stop playing hero.
You are good at something, stop lying to yourself. You’re good at breaking down comic book plots, cooking ramen perfectly, making your friends happy, knowing the time without looking at a clock, getting the perfect ending at RPG’s, or figuring out the twist ending to movies. Don’t let society tell you your talents are meaningless because they don’t serve an economical purpose. Your talents reflect your interests and passions, and what’s important to you is important.
I went to bed early to get a proper night’s sleep and ended up waking at 23:30. It’s 4:30 now. There’s a bug bite on my elbow, and I’m in that food aftermath, where your stomach hurts and you realise a jalapeño and tomato sandwich probably wasn’t the best idea at 4:00. Plus it’s ridiculously hot. I could really go for curling up into someone who’s free to tell me how great I am right about now.
Somewhere cold, at least. Otherwise they can talk holding a palm leaf, as I lie face-down in a heap on the ground.
“One of the worst ways to stop someone from telling sexist jokes is to tell him the joke isn’t funny. He’ll assume that you’re humorless and that he needs to save the good stuff for the right audience. If you really want someone to stop telling sexist jokes, you need to tell him, “I don’t get it” and then step back as he tries not to say, “It’s funny because women are stupid.”—
If This Isn’t From a Book, It Should Be (via gaircyrch)
Oh my god, I’m gonna have to try this it’s brilliant. I’ve been doing it wrong this whole time.
I’ve done this (it’s been so long I can’t remember what came seeing this quote or responding that way), but let me tell you it works. Just stare at them all blankly and say “what do you mean?”. Works every time.
One huge part of the special snowflake thing, for girls, is this declaration that they love to eat. As if a lot of girls don’t enjoy food, or care too much about things that require them not to. You find it in a lot of t.v shows where the love interest has to be shown as “quirky” and “down-to-earth”. Regardless of intention - wanting to give off a certain image or just being completely honest - I know a lot of girls - myself included - who talk all the time about loving to eat. Nobody really bats an eyelid unless some things don’t factor into it, and that’s what I’ve been noticing lately.
Is it me reading too much into things, or is it really only socially acceptable for a girl to say they love to eat if the food is stereotypically girly, and/or they also profess a love of cooking as well?
I mean, people make out that it’s all about appetite, when you know two girls could be ridiculously hungry and eat the same amount of food, but be viewed differently on account of the quality of it. I’ve noticed on so many occasions that people applaud girls for talking about food and how much they love it, but it really only happens when the food in question is dessert. Baked goods, mainly, and if you mention any other type, saying you enjoy cooking it yourself seems to justify it. But if a girl talks about greasy late-night take-outs and huge courses of anything savoury and extremely stodgy - and this is if she’s not adorable-looking when she eats and really slim - with no remorse (as if there should be), she’s just got poor taste and conduct.
You can’t point fingers without acknowledging the root of it all, I know, but it feels like a lot of people make such a statement about how much they love to eat, but even that fits into what others deem acceptable.
Because at the end of the day, that word will float into meaningless oblivion for that white girl. It won’t matter someone said it. Having “whitey” hurled at you is essentially a word that conceptualizes all that is positive and privileged about life born as a white person. It’s a mark of anger and frustration at the unfairness and inequality in place because someone is white - the right and ability to be ignorant and not questioned by society for it! To walk around uneducated about the world, about how things got to be the way they are, and to retreat the moment it gets hard or difficult or tough!
To glide away from unpleasantness. Being a whitey means that stuff doesn’t stick to you, not even words about your race. Whitey will never have a home denied to them based on the fact that they are a whitey. Will never be vilified in the media as a potential terrorist, as the face of crime, will never be killed by a cop even when they aren’t doing anything, will never be murdered in cold blood when carrying home a back of skittles and iced tea. Whitey will never be less likely to get a job or an education or to make less money than literally anyone else. Whitey is the ultimate achievement in a game where achievements are nothing more than what color you were born as. Whitey will win, every time, every game, every way. Whitey can be saturated in the media that looks like them, every time, all the time, and still complain they have no culture - following it up with stealing others’ cultures for the novelty of it - like shoplifting from the oppressed. Whitey is safety and protection in your home, in your neighborhood, on the streets, and expecting the police to be on your side. Whitey is rarely the reason you get beaten to death, or hung, or burned. Whitey means rightness, means imperialism happening because of you not to you! Whitey means you history and your culture is the pinnacle of Civilization, the best of humanity and everyone else is called backwards, or wrong, or pitied. Whitey is safety. Whitey is doing more crimes - murder, rape, illegal drug use and possession - in American than ANY OTHER RACE and still being convicted for it at a lower rate than blacks or latinos. Whitey is the magic ability to step all over other people and get away with it, to have that be the norm and unquestioned.
Being called whitey means your feelings are hurt for about five minutes and then forgetting about it. Because in the end, being Whitey has never ever systematically stopped you from anything, has never hindered your life simply because you were white in the same way being a person of color dictates how your life is different than a white person’s.
Can you even really call that derogatory?
— rebloggable by request. They are insulting me quite splendidly in French, however, if you didn’t catch the irony of calling me tabarnac. It’s roughly like ‘fucking girl’ so in addition to all that, they’re a misogynist. beautiful.
Big hair. Not teased and pinned big, I mean it’s a force of nature the second it dries naturally type of hair
When people sit cross-legged and lean forward and become really animated when they get excited
Guys with long hair
The really nonchalant, almost passive aggressive look people get when they chew gum and walk at the same time
That highlight that runs down WOCs’ shins when it’s really hot and bright, and their legs are crossed or just angled that way.
Dewy skin when it’s hot - that almost sticky sheen on faces you only see when light hits the person’s cheekbones.
Nipple piercings. Nipple piercings + navel piercings, with a chain running between the two
Loud, abrasive laughs
When people are a little pissed off but don’t want to say anything, and do a literal tongue-in-cheek, or they slip their tongue in that little hollow behind their molars (bottom row)
When people look pissed off in general, actually
Cheeky looking smiles
When people start dancing - when you’ve pulled them up and those first few seconds where they’re half-walking to the free spot and easing into dancing - and they keep their head down and only really move from the waist down
no but seriously, some people on this site. Is it really easy to let little stuff get to your head, or…? I mean, if someone follows you and likes a lot of your posts, yeah I get how it could be perceived, but your stuff’s open to the public and you know you want it to be enjoyed. People talking about how irritating some people are because they like a lot of what they post, like they’re near enough being begged for autographs or something. Get over yourself. You wouldn’t have the platform you (think you) do to say that if it wasn’t for the people that follow you.
“How can you change something if you won’t even acknowledge its existence, or if you downplay its significance? White supremacy is the great silence of our world, and in it is embedded much of what ails us as a planet. The silence around white supremacy is like the silence around Sauron in The Lord of the Rings, or the Voldemort name which must never be uttered in the Harry Potter novels. And yet here’s the rub: if a critique of white supremacy doesn’t first flow through you, doesn’t first implicate you, then you have missed the mark; you have, in fact, almost guaranteed its survival and reproduction. There’s that old saying: the devil’s greatest trick is that he convinced people that he doesn’t exist. Well, white supremacy’s greatest trick is that it has convinced people that, if it exists at all, it exists always in other people, never in us.”—
lol never trust a person that tells you that the australian public during the time of the second world war, when 2000 jewish survivors were granted immigration to australia, were some how warm or welcoming to said humanitarian efforts
they were so deluded with an all white british australia that they couldn’t even make way for holocaust survivors
“We’re still recovering from long-standing, asinine cultural pressures that tell us we can’t have too many sexual partners, can’t be gay, can’t be single parents, can’t have group sex without becoming a weirdo or a hippie, can’t have two partners at once without being a cheat, and can’t decide not to have children without being a self-absorbed hedonist.
Thankfully Kinsey’s famous studies, released following the war, revealed to the world what it both feared and knew all along: that everybody was doing everything the whole time, they just hid it from view. People were having oral sex, anal sex, extramarital sex, group sex, sex with machinery, sex with their own hands and fingers, gay sex, dress-up sex, S&M sex, and sometimes, no sex at all.
The variety and volume of sexual tastes and practices were enormous in reality, but publicly everyone presented the same front: modest, God-fearing monogamous relationships.”—Raptitude: Why we f*ck (via sexisnottheenemy)