gointotheforest:

“We tell people they are “strong” when we are uncomfortable with their pain and would prefer that they shut up and not bother us with it. To say “but you are strong” is telling someone “I don’t think you should feel that way,” and it’s not a compliment. I don’t think that strength means being invulnerable, or pretending that you are. The belief that silence and stoicism are inherently good qualities is how you end up dressed up like a bat punching criminals in an alley – it’s not a good road to emotional health. […] Be sad. Be angry. Let your heart break – in the diner, on someone’s futon, in the park, on the way to the zoo, at brunch, over drinks, in the therapist’s office, on the bus – Wherever it breaks, let it break all the way open, let it run out and down and spread out in a soggy puddle at your feet. Say, “I’m sorry, I can’t listen to you today, my heart is broken. Will you sit with me a while and I’ll tell you about it?“ Say, “I can’t take care of you today, but you can take care of me, and maybe tomorrow I will take care of you, and we can trade off like that for a while, okay?” Say, “I love you, and I love that you think I’m strong, but I don’t feel like being strong today. I feel like being angry and crazy and sad. Can we go to the movies or just sit here quietly or take a walk or talk about it or not talk about it?“ Your friends may get scared when you do this. If you, the “strong” one can break, what does that say about them? That’s why they push back at you and try to remind you of your strength, when what you need is for them to stand by you in your pain and weakness. They don’t have to solve that pain, they just have to bear witness to it. Maybe they don’t know how – a lot of people don’t know what to do in the face of other people’s pain. They want to fix everything, and if they can’t fix it they feel inadequate. As the “strong” one you can help them out with this by saying “You don’t have to fix it. You don’t have to do anything. Just be with me, and listen, and love me, and I’ll love you back. That’s all I need – to know that you love me, even when I’m sad and scared and don’t know what to do next.””

Captain Awkward, “The lie of ‘strength.’” (via baddominicana)

“They don’t have to solve that pain, they just have to bear witness to it.”

(via cage-veil-cunt)

Well, fuck.

(via nessfraserloves)

(Source: acatnamedhercules)

(Reblogged from morrigan-disapproves)

Notes

  1. lunastumblsalong reblogged this from queenmelons
  2. eat-me-i-am-sweet reblogged this from gandurilamiezulnoptiii
  3. gandurilamiezulnoptiii reblogged this from creatingaquietmind
  4. la-malaika reblogged this from oh-so-boho
  5. draconargentum reblogged this from lynabeanaboo
  6. howdivinelyandutterlyhappy reblogged this from lynabeanaboo
  7. lynabeanaboo reblogged this from lynabeanaboo
  8. whatsgoingonguys reblogged this from whats-on-your-mind-honey
  9. do-not-bottle-everything-up reblogged this from whats-on-your-mind-honey
  10. whats-on-your-mind-honey reblogged this from seameetstheshore
  11. seameetstheshore reblogged this from thelittleyellowdiary
  12. ohthecosmos reblogged this from creatingaquietmind
  13. -kyra-shae- reblogged this from dirrrty-girl
  14. thevarosa reblogged this from dirrrty-girl
  15. sweetestthorment reblogged this from smokinsiren
  16. smokinsiren reblogged this from dirrrty-girl
  17. dirrrty-girl reblogged this from busyreadingerotica
  18. xoxo-lov reblogged this from hastea
  19. sanduval reblogged this from juhnk
  20. juhnk reblogged this from acatnamedhercules
  21. mellifluous-storm reblogged this from love-and-music-is-in-my-soul
  22. daddyslittlepumpkin12 reblogged this from butterflyslut
  23. r1o0 reblogged this from butterflyslut
  24. beyondplay reblogged this from hisoneandonlybrat
  25. wayfaringheart reblogged this from daysofdecadence
  26. smf143 reblogged this from dominantstateofmind
  27. lisamichele17 reblogged this from oma-enigma
  28. oma-enigma reblogged this from missharpersworld
  29. i-cant-stop-the-feels reblogged this from missharpersworld